The court will decide on which home the child will live in by trying to determine what is in “the best interests of the child.” This requires a number of factors including:

• the child’s wishes
• the parent’s wishes
• other family members that may impact the child substantially
• where the child will live, the schools and community
• the mental and physical state of health of the parents involved

The court has the choice of deciding from several types of custody.  They will decide on this from a number of factors.

• Temporary Custody – refers to the granting of custody during a divorce or separation proceeding
• Exclusive Custody – gives one parent all the custodial rights for making decisions on raising the child
• Joint Custody – grants each parent equal rights in raising the child

One of the parent’s can sue for exclusive child custody but would have to show that joint custody was not in the child’s best interests.  The court could also determine that a third party be granted custody if both parents did not seem fit to raise the child.  In most cases, this is a close relative such as a grandparent.

If there are multiple children from the marriage, the court could decide to split custody or  separate the children depending on what was in the best interests of each child.  Usually, this would mean not to separate the children.

Should a court give exclusive custody to one parent, the other parent will usually be given visitation rights to see the child.  It usually requires extraordinary circumstances for a court to decide that the non-custodial parent would not be given any visitation rights. If a child custody agreement does not mention visitation rights it usually implied that the parent has rights to visitation. The court can decide that it is not in the child’s best interests to give one parent visitation rights.

Almost all courts will use “the best interests of the child” as the main priority when determining child custody issues.  Courts will mostly focus on figuring out which parental custody situation will give the child the most stable environment to grow up in. For children who are younger, this usually means the parent most able to be a caregiver. For older children, the usually means the parent that is most able to provide the community, educational and relationships to foster growth in a young adult.

That being said, there has been much research done on the subject of why people get divorce or the reasons for divorce. While solid statistical data may be a little harder to find most research article do provide an outline of some of the most common reasons for divorce.

Core Differences
Sometimes people marry without fully understanding each other’s beliefs, values, goals and interests. Things as simple as how many children they want or even if they want children at all. Religion, family value and how you want to raise children also. It’s surprising how often married couples don’t have these conversations until it’s too late.

Communication Breakdown
The inability to communicate effectively is one of the common reasons for divorce. Especially, when it involves some sort of conflict or disagreement.  Most couples don’t realize they may have major communication issues until several disagreements later in the relationship. The way people react to conflict and turmoil is extremely important in a relationship. Some people are aggressive while others avoid arguments and conflict. Couples usually don’t have this issue during their “honeymoon” phase.

Emotional, Psychological or Physical Abuse
Abuse has many forms and most abusers have grown up with something similar as a child. Many of these patterns emerge later in the relationship when a couple begins to take on traditional roles as husband & wife or father & mother. Physical abuse should never be tolerated towards a spouse or child. This is one of the hardest patterns to break and usually doesn’t go away on it’s own. While emotional and psychological abuse may not have physical danger it can also be just as destructive to a marriage and family.  All forms of abuse have severe consequences and can last generations.

Financial Issues
Every couple has to deal with financial issues at some point and it is still one of the most common reasons for divorce. Whether the problem is not enough money or what to do with the money they have, couples will find that significant differences will rise in priorities or the level of importance of money. The significance of money can also be traced back to childhood and how each spouse was raised. Income and debt go beyond just simple numbers and can relate to how a person views the world and themselves.

Growing apart
Sometimes couples just grow apart during their marriage. It happens in younger marriages where the spouses will just mature differently or it could be a simple consequence of getting married to young and not really knowing who you were or what you wanted in life. It also happens to older couples who grow apart during the process of their marriage, living and losing track of each other. Jobs, children, activities, and life can blur together until one day they realize they no longer know or love each other. While there can be anger or resentment sometimes it might just be complacency.

The reasons for divorce are as complex and varied as the reasons people get married. Personality, upbringing, emotional health and many other factors play a role.  The reasons above, while simple, are at the very core of who we are as people first – then as couples. Understanding this helps in understanding why people divorce.

Some of the common fault grounds were:

• cruelty (inflicting unnecessary emotional or physical pain) — this is the most frequently used ground for divorce
• adultery
• desertion for a specified length of time
• alcohol or drug abuse
• confinement in prison for a set number of years
• physical inability to engage in sexual intercourse, if it was not disclosed before marriage.

Many people think that if they want a divorce they still need a reason or grounds for filing divorce papers.  Modern day divorce laws no longer require that someone need grounds for a divorce or that someone be at fault.  All states now allow what is commonly called “no fault” divorces.

In order to get a no fault divorce, one spouse must state a reason for the divorce that is recognized by the state they are living in. In most states, it’s enough to declare that the couple cannot get along and this is most commonly known as irreconcilable differences.  The courts view irreconcilable differences as the couple never being able to agree on certain fundamental issues.

Irreconcilable differences doesn’t need to involve any wrong doing or blame on either spouse but it really is a statement regarding the condition of the marriage. A spouse does not need to prove that their spouse was to blame in some way for the failure of the marriage. A court may grant the divorce if it finds that the couple can no longer live together due to irreconcilable differences.  This has since become the new grounds for divorce in most of divorces taking place in the United States.

While it is still possible to give specific grounds for divorce most couples choose to go this route to avoid many of the legal entanglements that come from giving too specific of reasons for divorce.

Some of the factors considered as grounds for divorce within irreconcilable difference can include:

• Personality conflicts
• A lack of concern for each other’s mutual needs
• Financial difficulties
• A long term physical separation
• Personal interests are no longer aligned
• Resentment of each other
• Distrust of each other
• Consistent fighting
• Antagonistic feeling towards each other

Whatever the reasons or grounds for divorce are – once of the most important things to remember is that most of them are going to need to comply with state specific divorce laws. While all states have enacted some type of no fault divorce option you will still need to be aware of what exactly adheres to state specific laws and guidelines.  Please be aware of these laws and consult with a divorce attorney to get a better understanding of the laws in your specific state and how to comply with those.

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